Generally speaking, I still feel it's better to break up tremolos rhythmically; personally, I also prefer to see things like this.
- Tremolos.jpeg (885.65 KiB) Viewed 66212 times
Moreover, since other parts of your score are also broken up rhythmically, I think a uniform approach would be better. Doing so would allow the notes to align vertically, making them easier to read.
you need not worry about the breaks in the notation failing to represent a coherent performance; the phrase will still be played continuously and naturally in practice.
Additionally, I've noticed that the beams in the PDF you sent are too short, which is NG in engraving. It would be better to modify them to a uniform length for a more comfortable visual experience. However, if music engraving is not a concern, it might still be understandable as is.
- NG.jpeg (307.27 KiB) Viewed 66261 times