NOTATIO

It's better, but you want to make sure it's evenly darker - now elements like the hairpins and bar numbers seem too thin in comparison. I would also even out the slurs by thickening the ends slightly but thinning the centre

As a singer, I wouldn't breathe twice with the commas but simply taper at the end of the word to show the lyric phrasing without breaking the vocal line - in other words, exactly what a decent pianist would do when presented with the slurring alone.

Organists have the advantage of the pedalboard to take the bass voice, freeing both hands to more easily secure legato within S-A-T alone. In your given example, even with my small hands and no pedalboard, all the seemingly difficult intervals are easily played by taking the tenor voice in the RH. I...

A piece of advice about improving your keyboard skills: if your have the patience, the biggest bang for your buck would be to play all the three and four note major and minor chords (all inversions and possible fingerings) chromatically with both hands an octave apart throughout the entire keyboard...

I wouldn't see any issue with moving the violin notes even closer to each other, and have seen this several times in published scores to save space.

I don't find the extension line on "For" to serve any real purpose - the left-aligned lyric text should be enough for a melisma that only covers that much horizontal space. For "Christ" it definitely aids in readability. I am very partial to the Baerenreiter custom of placing pun...

I'd try to show a little bit of an extension line in those tied notes: bb. 60, 63. I did a bit of work for a publisher recently; and while their output is not generally anything to shout about, they were insistent that there was always the slightest bit of an extension line, even if it meant moving...

Older scores would often place the dynamics on the stave to solve this sort of issue. I believe it is a very favourable solution.

I prefer the voices to be split in hymns, as is done in all the highest-quality English hymnals. It makes reading the independent progression of each part much easier as a singer.

It continues to astound me that these works are not more well-known by pianists today. As an outsider to the piano world, it always seems like anything before Beethoven and Schubert (with the exception of Bach) tends to get the short end of the stick. I wonder how much of that is the issue with edit...